Mauritania: beyond the dirt and the takhaluf Heaven- Haven

When I was young, I dreamed of being a student of mahdara and my dear friend Roisin admitted to me that she had once dreams of becoming a nun.

These fantasies, these dreams are very common in young people around the world and leave as they grow older (even though seldom entirely). I think it’s because the younger we are, the closer we are to the original state of Fitra so we tend to long for something pure and perfect and what can be purer than wayfaring to God?

In my opinion, Mauritania is a good place to embark on such a journey.

“Withdraw the heart into the arena of reflection

Nothing helps the heart more than that!”

From Hikam Ibn Ata Illah

A french brother, some of you might know, called Ian Mansour, told me that when he was seventeen he decided to leave Britany for good for he had come to the conclusion that Europe because of rampant materialism was no longer a  favorable  context  for soul-searching, introspection. His exact words were that it no longer allowed “retour sur soi” which literally means “to return on oneself”.

But why is introspection, soul-searching, “retour sur soi” or whatever one calls it so necessary?

Introspection is the prerequisite for any conscious decision, spiritual improvement and great achievement.

Hamza Yusuf had to live in the Tagant desert to become Shaykh Hamza Yusuf.

                                                                                Hamza, the student of knowledge in Tagant, Mauritania (Peter Sanders)



And most of you know better than me the story of the withdrawal of the great Ghazali from the world.  El Ghazali recommended that seekers of knowledge travel to a place where they know no one.

Is it the proximity of the desert? Is it the feet of so many God-fearing, God-loving Ulama and Awliyas that tread upon its ground that makes Mauritania a blessed place for introspection and reflection?

Or is it the frugality one finds in Mauritanian villages, the heat, the mosquitoes for they are a school in themselves...They teach Sabr (patience) and we well know the special place that's reserved for the patient.

But give good tidings to the patient who, when disaster strikes them, say, “Indeed we belong to Allaah, and indeed to Him we will return.” [Quran 2:155-156]

To give you an idea of the place (at least its capital city), here is a description i found on a blog, it’s pretty eloquent:

“It was almost mid-night but it looked like morning to me. I was feeling like being home again […] I prayed and had a good sleep with wonderful, sweet mosquito bites. In the morning, I looked at the mosquitoes in my net, singing their irritating music in their pregnant state, moving around with my sucked blood.

I took to the city to use the internet and pray in the saudi masjid. How nice it feels like to be back! Looking the streets, you see men and women urinating openly by the sides of cars, walls, etc, dirty streets, and in the mosques, hearing the Mauritanian style of loud Shouting of TAKBIR at the opening of Solah(not Maalilki style to shout too loud). From all of these, I said to myself, welcome back to Mauritania!” 

 So if you can go beyond the dirt, the pissing on the streets, the spitting, the burping arghhh  -I am voluntarily crude- you will find a hidden gem. If you open your heart to people, you will notice the imperceptible things that make them special ; some are always doing dhikr, some do incredible sadakats (charity), some spend their nights in prayer, some just have incredible smiles in weather beaten, sunburnt faces.

Mauritania is a country where foreigners weep twice: First from dismay that they are sent to such a forsaken land and when they leave, because it has become a place they love.

Shaykh Hamza Yusuf encourages the love of poetry so here is just for you, my friends, one the English poems I love the most :

Heaven-Haven 

A nun takes the veil

I have desired to go

Where springs not fail,

To fields where flies no sharp and sided hail

And a few lilies blow.

And I asked to be

Where no storms come,

Where the green swell is in the havens dumb,

And out of the swing of the sea.

Gerald Manley Hopkins

"The way out is in the book of God"

I remember precisely the day I heard these words pronounced by Shaykh Hamza Yusuf… I felt like I had been struck by lightning. In my life I have 3 or 4 of these defining moments, these epiphanies, when just by hearing or reading something I come to an incredible realization, that if implemented will impact my whole life….

At the time, I was going through a whole life change. I left a life of constant movement, of tight schedules for a life where the job was intense but where the evenings just stretched out… The speed of the hamster’s wheel, conjuring my fellow mates and my own existential anguish was no longer, I had just stepped off. I came to a life where in the evening you are alone and there is silence… you are faced with yourself… No one to call you to go out for a drink, dinner or just for some random girl talk.

I remember that one of my brothers told me at my wedding party (by the way, I must say it was the greatest batch of the decade! ;-) that my biggest success in life were my friends, I do have very special, loving endearing friends and a special bond unites me to with each one of them.

One evening, I felt so nostalgic of my buddies that I recall sitting on the top of the garage and repeating their names like I was counting the beads of a rosary ; Huiyi… Roisin…Rime…Alex…Selma…Andrew…Miriam…Lucia… Bonnie…Stephane…Christophe…They were always a family, when no one of the family was around… 11 years… It was a long time to leave behind. ..

Anyways, the whole week I had been feeling low and I was wondering when will this cycle of unhappiness or more accurately of dissatisfaction end? When I was in Paris, I dreamt of sand dunes and when I came home to the sand dunes here I was, dreaming of my former life in Paris! Seriously, was I dysfunctional? When would constant and sustainable happiness be? Don’t get me wrong I was and still am a pretty cheerful person, I love joking and laughing and at that time of my life I had already had deep profound moments of gratitude and happiness but it always seemed like; I was waiting for a cycle to lead to the other in order to allow myself to be happier and I must admit that ends of cycles were always painful because of the uncertainty that followed the departure from something I had grown accustomed to and deeply fond of.

It was while in that mood (a MEGA funk..) that I distractedly turned on one of Hamza Yusuf’s lectures (I think it was "The poor man’s book of assistance") and I heard this incredibly simple yet life changing answer: “THE WAY OUT IS IN THE BOOK OF GOD.”

The shock was so strong it awoke from my daydream and I stood up with the resolve to explore this solution that was offered to me. I did wudu and read a few chapters of the Quran, and decided I would read Kuran everyday for as long as I could (I am not a very disciplined person J )

I read the Quran this way for 2 whole months, during my lunch break, after work, between Duhr prayer and Asr on Fridays). The effects were immediate; I regained my laughter, my joie de vivre and acquired a whole new deep new sense of confidence.

Yes dear friend, you got me right: an increased level of confidence (Wow!). I believe it was the Baraka of reading the Quran for those 2 months that made me come to another important realization:

Life is a play where those who decide aren’t those that seemingly decide… God sole and only decides.

It became super clear to me that I shouldn't expect anything from people, even the ones who want me good), I must pray God for it.

It does seem obvious but it’s very liberating when you’re sitting in a meeting with very important people (some humble but some very full of themselves I must say…) or being interviewed or negotiating a raise ;-) and that you remind yourself: “these people have no power on the outcome, it’s God who decides”.

This realization helps you stay grounded and breaks your ego, There is no risk of you falling into hubris for you know that you are nothing without God’s mercy, you can only count on His Mercy (and your Asbabs) to make things happen. The great thing is that with time you will see that God willing, the things you pray for always happen when the intention you put in them is good!

To all my sisters and brothers who lately have shared with me some of their doubts and worries, befriend your Kuran, make it your daily life buoy. When you are in a funk, read Quran everyday, it will elevate you and purify your heart.

The other thing : don’t take life too seriously, believe in leaving things in the hands of the Lord, it helps you stay detached while putting in your best effort.

If you feel you’re not hanging out with the right bunch, pray God to send you your people

Like you all know, being the new kid on the block is never easy. I suddenly became that kid when 4 and a half years ago I came back to Mauritania after spending 11 years in Paris.

Don’t get me wrong, people here are super friendly, especially the ones in the company I was lucky enough to work with. We laughed all the time and they taught me that it's never the end of the world, even the day the team missed the deadline of a call for tender we'd been working on for a whole week!

They used to say with a big smile : "when it’s not meant to be it’s just meant to be :-)" Coming from a Parisian environment, where missing the metro is viewed as a tragedy, this attitude was sooo refreshing!

But outside the office, I just couldn’t find a circle that was willing to have me and that resembled me..

Looking back, it was a good thing I didn’t find my bunch immediately, I had a lot of time on my own, to reflect, which was exactly what I needed after so many years in the rat’s race.

But after two years in Mauritania, I wanted friends to share thoughts and experiences.That’s when I started hanging out with the American girls, they were sweet and had this great thing about them : permanent good mood. At the question ; How are you? They invariably answered “GREAT!”

WOW… in Paris,no one ever gave me that answer expect Marie a friend who was bi-polar and therefore was afflicted with incredible highs but also incredible lows!

So there I was hanging out with the American chicks, but never feeling quite at ease ; it was considered uncouth to speak about politics, religion and they hardly ever spoke about private matters so after a while it just wasn’t enough for me… I felt no progress, we didn’t get closer and I didn’t learn anything, sometimes it was even so shallow my heart sunk…

So I started hanging out less and less with them and praying Allah Almighty to send me the right people.

So one day, I went with the girls to a neighborhood I had never set a foot in and never would have set foot in, on an expedition to buy fabric. I remember we were joking and laughing, but I was distracted.. You know, one of these moments where outwardly you’re laughing but in reality you’re just not in it? It’s like your body is there but your soul isn’t because it longs to be somewhere else.

I was in that state when I walked out of the store with one of the girls, Sarah, a very beautiful girl.

A guy wearing a jellaba came up to me and said "EssalamuAleykum sister, my name is Ahmed, I come from South-Africa…"

We struck up a conversation and surprisingly during all the conversation; he did not give my friend a glimpse, not a single one… It’s incredible when you know that my friend is a tall, superb Puertorican- American and that men, women and children cannot but look at her!

Now that I know him well, I put this on the account of his natural adab (modesty) but also on the fact that this encounter was predestined, I was the one meant to meet Ahmed and his lovely wife and children.

Little did I know at the time that this encounter was the answer to my prayers… I actually had some prejudice when I met Ahmed, I thought someone who had come to Mauritania to study would have a wife wearing a burka… For me that's the sure sign that at the time, I still had some serious cleansing even scrubbing of the heart to do!

If she had chosen to wear a burka, it was none of my business and was not for me to judge.

When I finally met her, my dear dear Zeinab did not wear a burka and turned out to be the most cultured Muslim woman I had ever met, how humbling! I will also always remember the first time I saw jumping out the taxi, those little gremlins I have come to love soooooo much, Amina and Jaber, they were sooo cute mashallah.  

Not long after we first met, I was with Ahmed, Zeinab and the kiddos (that's how I call them;-) at Sheherazade a play ground and we were discussing our favorite topics, spirituality, islam etc.. when we happened to talk about the command from Allah that the Prophet (SAW) be dearer to the believer that himself.

I remember worrying whether it was case with me and asking Ahmed what could I do to ensure it was, he answered that one the Shaykhs said that saying many Salats ala Nabi (Blessings on the Prophet (SAW), increased his love in one’s heart.

So I came back that day and said 1000 Salats on the prophet (SAW) and decided to started cultivating his love in my heart.

Listening over and over to “His character was the Qur'an” a CD lecture by Shaykh Abdullah Binbayyah helped enormously;  in it Hamza Yusuf who's the translator, is overcome (several times) by emotion when recalling how much the Prophet (SAW) loved all of God's creation.

Cultivating the love of the prophet has softened my heart and has made me discover so many things, I discovered that following the sunna is the surest way to free ourselves from the boundaries, limits and limitations set up by this materialistic world, to know about this you should watch this incredible lecture "Breaking the two desires" of Shaykh Abdel Hakim Murad.

 

Before meeting my friends, as a learned arab, I sensed the 3ijaz of the Qur'an but sometimes failed to grasp the miracle of the character of the Prophet (SAW). Ahmed told me something very interesting in this regards, he said that most non Arab muslims couldn’t realize 3ijaz el Kuran, because they simply did not speak the language but fully grasped the miracle of the character of the Prophet (SAW). Many of these people's ancestors became muslim after hearing the stories about this incredible man and have passed this immense love on to their descendants.

I am glad to say today that I LOVE THE PROPHET more than my life, my entire family and I pray that Allah resurrects me on the Day of Judgment in his company, this is truly my dearest dream.