“O My Lord, increase me in knowledge” Quran 20:114

Yesterday was a blessed day. I had the opportunity to attend a gathering in Nouakchott where Shaykh Hamza Yusuf spoke for a few minutes.

What can I say? I had never had the opportunity of seeing him in person before; his akhlaks were simply amazing mashallah and his speech enlightening & powerful.

He began by remembering the days when he used to stop in Gueru, on his way to the village of Lemrabott Elhaaj (his Shaykh). At the time, one could hear Quran and mootoons being recited all through the night. But now in Gueru, homes are infested with television, satellite “dishes”, pouring out films made in the USA. Why don’t we take the good things from the West, why do we only take the negative ones?

He emphasized on the importance of our Ulemas and said something very striking: the Ummah has generally strong Iman (faith) but it is acquiring stronger knowledge that will ensure our continuity. He spoke about tragic killings perpetrated by muslims and gave the example of a woman who had fled the war in Syria and went to Turkey. When she was asked how she was, she said something like: “I’m fine, God is Present (mawjud) and in His Mercy He sent us Erdogan to welcome us in Turkey.” Wow what a beautiful example of iman!However, if this same woman who displays such beautiful iman (faith) had fled to the UK instead of Turkey, it is not certain that her grandchildren would still be Muslim…

The Shaykh reminded us of the Quranic verse (20:114):” And say: O my Lord, increase me in knowledge” but does not say increase me in Faith….

The message conveyed was clear; we are in dire need of more knowledge…

I am grateful to Allah (SW) that the Shaykh’s words found an echo in my heart. I had been waiting for this conference with trepidation, not knowing what to expect. I have been watching his lectures online since I was a teenager but now a live lecture! How would it be? The man has always been my self-chosen Shaykh and as said one of my brothers: if Shaykh Hamza Yusuf had a Zawiya , we and many other people in the world would be queuing to take bay3a with him…my sister, my brother, many of our friends and of course myself, have been coached and uplifted by his words for quite a few years now, Jazahullah Khayran.

Getting back to yesterday’s lecture, it was like the Shaykh was telling me that all my precious Islamic serenity would be threatened if I didn’t acquire more knowledge. I shivered and I looked around at all the well dressed audience and wondered how could they not seem frightened like I did? I wanted to tell them : don’t you understand that our happy peaceful Mauritanian lifestyle (based on Islam) might one day be challenged by this hemorrhage of deep Islamic knowledge our society is experiencing?

Yesterday when I came back home, my mind was swirling : I thought about knowledge as the peaceful adversary of terrorism, knowledge as the rampart against the despair that leads to social unrest and finally knowledge to combat all forms of oppression around the world…
 

It became clear to me that the rampart against the afflictions of this modern age was knowledge and that I, poor slave of Allah should do my outmost to acquire that knowledge asap. I did have plans, but they were for a long way down the road (when I’m done with corporate) and now that Shaykh Hamza has highlighted the urgency; sacrifices must be made. I can no longer wait for the right moment, I must use whatever spare time I have to study NOW!

Speaking to my sister, I also realized that we should stop being observers and get involved in something related to islam, no matter how much we hate debates, polemic and bold display of ignorance… it is true that we have a role model who’s gotten involved without going against his peaceful nature : Dad.

Our Dad is a historian. In his soft gentle way, he’s an academic super hero fighting against the forces of evil that strive to bring one community against another, one tribe  against the other and one country against the other. :-)

With his research, he shows how we are all brothers and sisters from another mother by reminding us of past historical alliances based on faith.

I remember one of his lectures he concluded by saying “I hope that my work has given you something that will put your heart and mind at ease for now you know that we are truly “descendants one of the other”  (transliteration : thurriyatan ba3duha min Baa3d”  Quran verse 3:34)

It was while he was preparing one of his conferences, that I had the chance to reflect on a Quranic verse that consoled me of something I’ve had in my heart for the last few years…

I sometimes dream of a homogenous world where we would all have one skin color, one language and no borders, for it seems to me that instead of seeing what a wonderful gift from God diversity is, man uses it as an excuse to declare war.

I’m now aware that dreaming of a homogeneous world is a terrible lack of Ridha and acceptance of Allah’s decree so whenever I feel saddened by the disputes arising in the Islamic world between Shia, Sunni, Maliki, Wahabi, Salafi, Sufi (for God's sake we’re all one people!) and that the longing for a homogenous humanity with brown skin (in my fantasy world we’re all metis :-) comes back to haunt me, I reflect on this verse my dad used as an introduction of one of his lectures on multiculturalism:

“If Allah willed, He would have made you one nation, but that He may test you in what He has given you; so strive as in a race in good deeds. The return of you all is to Allah; then He will inform you about that in which you used to differ.”

Quran 5:48

This aya says it all.

Finally, I cannot conclude this post without saying a word about the genial people who hosted the lecture.

The lecture was organized the Global Center for Renewal and Guidance an independent research institute focusing on contemporary muslim affairs in the west. The GCRG's board of Trustees has great names such as Shaykh Abdallah Bin Bayyah, Shaykh Hamza Yusuf and Dr. Abdullah al-Nasseef.

The logistics of the specific event held yesterday was orchestrated by Cheikhna Bin Bayyah (the son of Shaykh Abdoullah Binbayyah) and his lovely wife Habeeba.

As usual Cheikhna was a tremendous ice breaker (mashallah) making everyone laugh by sharing the story of his first encounter with Shaykh Hamza. When they met a few years ago in California, Cheikhna was invited to the Hansons' where he was presented with a gadha, a wooden Mauritanian bowl to drink from he told the Shaykh: "Don't you know I’ve come all the way to California to escape Mauritania and here you are handing me a gadha in your american home!!!” Lol

As for Habeeba, always with a sweet smile and a welcoming word for everyone, she even managed to give the women specific time to meet with the Shaykh (pic of him saying dua3 at the end of the session with the women).

 

Jazahumullah 3ana Khayr Eljaza

 

 

“Ask your heart, righteousness is what the heart feels tranquil with {…} “ Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him

I have never been as concerned about the state of my heart as since I’ve been listening to Shaykh Hamza Yusuf’s lectures.

Sometimes I joke about it, saying that now I try to go through life with a stethoscope on my chest to follow all the moves of my heart ;-) Indeed, Hamza Yusuf has highlighted the importance of putting oneself to work on one’s heart before comes the Day:

“In which neither wealth nor children shall be of any benefit [to anyone], except one who comes to God with a sound heart “(Quran, 26:88-89)

But before that day comes, purification of the heart is really the way to make the world a better place, for every act of cruelty, hate, racism, violence, pollution, stems from a disease in the heart and will disappear when it is cured. The disease can be either envy, cruelty, arrogance, rancor, ostentation, fear of poverty ...

The million dollar question is therefore, how to cure these diseases?

Fortunately, there exists a self-purification book (poem) known as Matharat al-Qulub (literally, Purification of the Hearts), which offers a means by which purification can be achieved. It is a treatise on the alchemy of the hearts, a manual on how to transform the heart. It was written by a great scholar, Shaykh Muhammad Mawlud al-Yaqubi al-Musawi al-Mauritani (Yuppie! He’s a compatriot of mine) and commented on by Hamza Yusuf.

By the way guys, if you ever have the chance of having this book in your hands, you must absolutely read the dedication written by Shaykh Hamza Yusuf. He says something like: “I dedicate this book to my wife, who has a heart so pure she doesn’t need it”. WOW!

Mashallah, what a beautiful thing to say about one’s spouse… it really makes you want to meet the woman! And it also taught me to try look at my own “better half ;-) with as much indulgence as Shaykh Hamza views his wife! Lol, Thank God my hubby is still learning English and can’t read my blog!

The book helped me identify some of my own diseases (of the heart) I wasn’t even aware of! Honestly, when I read the book I felt discouraged (I had a heart ache throughout it) but now that I know a tiny winy bit more than I used to at the time, I am super happy because now I know that :

-          Diseases can be cured (I have experienced it!)

-          Aching when you read about a disease is actually a good sign, it means that contrary to some hearts, your heart is still alive. For instance, if you read about miserliness and that your heart aches it certainly means you’re stingy ;-) but the good news is that your disease can be treated and eventually cured!

Once you’ve identified most of your diseases of the heart  this is how I have nearly cured some of mine:

1. Treat the heart with the things you KNOW deep down inside of you, are good for you.

For me, two simples changes were : reading Quran regularly and quitting listening to that depressing band that invariably made me want to throw myself from the top of a cliff! (pessimism is a disease of the heart).

2.Purify your life with Takwa, get away from those acts and people that drag you down.

As derived from the teachings of the Prophet (SAW), an act can take the appearance of good, or be banalized by society but if, even a tiny voice in your heart expresses unease because of it, quit it.  Don't shun that voice and silence it like Dorian Gray did, until you're so deep down into corruption, that you can no longer be guided by your heart.

In that regards, something happened to me that was pretty eloquent…

Living in the west, I have never had a problem with people who drink, if you don’t believe me just ask my friends down at the pub ;-)

Jokes aside, my reasoning was the following : I shouldn't have an issue about entering in non-alcohol free places (in the West) because I know who I am, a practicing muslim who would order a coke with her my meal.

After embarking on the purification of the heart journey, I no longer could enter places selling alcohol; the mere idea of entering a restaurant/café selling alcohol made me physically sick (I wanted to throw up).

In French the expression for having nausea “avoir mal au coeur” means literally “to have a heart ache”! It's clearly what happened to me : my heart ached so badly I was sick.

No matter what people told me, no matter how my brain tried to dismiss it with rational arguments, I decided to follow my heart.

3. Salawats on the prophet Muhammad (SAW)

I have not doubt  this is the practice that has helped me the most.

“Prayers on me are light in the heart, light in the grave and light on the Sirat " (sirat is the bridge every soul will have to cross to enter the heavens) 

While I am saying Salawats on the prophet SAW I always try to remember how much he loved us; the women, the children, the poor and all of God’s creation.  Until his last breath, he prayed that God have mercy on his Ummah. He died saying : Ummati… Ummati… Ummati… (my followers).

When I think of how he much he loved us, I can’t but strive harder to follow his way.

I noticed that as my love for the greatest of creation increased, I started to change, my heart softened, I couldn’t curse as much as I used to, even jokingly.  I have also never been a cry baby; each time I used to cry it was mostly out of anger and frustration! Gosh,I’ve changed so much; the hard headed woman has slowly given place to a meek person who weeps at spiritual stories... Lol

If some cleansing of the heart hasn’t taken place there, God only knows what happened!

Even my better half ;-) has noticed the changes in me, I have become nicer with him, actually when I laze about doing Dhikr after Maghrib, he urges me to do it even though he seldom does! lol

As a friend says, lectures are great, they serve as a reminder but “it is in Dhikr that our real growth lies”. I cannot but totally agree J

4. Remembering death

Reading about death, helps you have more detachment towards material things and accept that this life is imperfect and that the true success lies in being a good person. For it is that sound heart of yours, that will get (with God’s Mercy) you through the gates of Heaven and not your career as CEO of some big corporation.

5. Hang out with good people who try to better themselves and not the people who have given up the fight

Shaykh Hamza says that a sick heart needs good company in order to "inhale the fragrances of sincerity".

Finally,

 

By trying to cure your own diseases of the heart, you’re embodying the change you want to see in the world! You might not think that you're doing anything grand, because you’re not a world renown peace activist and you’re far from having Mother Teresa’s dedication but you never know…

One day after working hard on your heart you might wake up to find that you have become a clone of Mother Theresa without your knowledge!

Or, you might never become the next  Mother Teresa, but you will certainly bring up your children to be non racist, open-minded loving, compassionate people (sound hearts!) who will greatly contribute to making the world a better and safer place to be! And that my friend, will undoubtedly be a major achievement.

Please pray for me so I can have both blessings!

Mauritania: beyond the dirt and the takhaluf Heaven- Haven

When I was young, I dreamed of being a student of mahdara and my dear friend Roisin admitted to me that she had once dreams of becoming a nun.

These fantasies, these dreams are very common in young people around the world and leave as they grow older (even though seldom entirely). I think it’s because the younger we are, the closer we are to the original state of Fitra so we tend to long for something pure and perfect and what can be purer than wayfaring to God?

In my opinion, Mauritania is a good place to embark on such a journey.

“Withdraw the heart into the arena of reflection

Nothing helps the heart more than that!”

From Hikam Ibn Ata Illah

A french brother, some of you might know, called Ian Mansour, told me that when he was seventeen he decided to leave Britany for good for he had come to the conclusion that Europe because of rampant materialism was no longer a  favorable  context  for soul-searching, introspection. His exact words were that it no longer allowed “retour sur soi” which literally means “to return on oneself”.

But why is introspection, soul-searching, “retour sur soi” or whatever one calls it so necessary?

Introspection is the prerequisite for any conscious decision, spiritual improvement and great achievement.

Hamza Yusuf had to live in the Tagant desert to become Shaykh Hamza Yusuf.

                                                                                Hamza, the student of knowledge in Tagant, Mauritania (Peter Sanders)



And most of you know better than me the story of the withdrawal of the great Ghazali from the world.  El Ghazali recommended that seekers of knowledge travel to a place where they know no one.

Is it the proximity of the desert? Is it the feet of so many God-fearing, God-loving Ulama and Awliyas that tread upon its ground that makes Mauritania a blessed place for introspection and reflection?

Or is it the frugality one finds in Mauritanian villages, the heat, the mosquitoes for they are a school in themselves...They teach Sabr (patience) and we well know the special place that's reserved for the patient.

But give good tidings to the patient who, when disaster strikes them, say, “Indeed we belong to Allaah, and indeed to Him we will return.” [Quran 2:155-156]

To give you an idea of the place (at least its capital city), here is a description i found on a blog, it’s pretty eloquent:

“It was almost mid-night but it looked like morning to me. I was feeling like being home again […] I prayed and had a good sleep with wonderful, sweet mosquito bites. In the morning, I looked at the mosquitoes in my net, singing their irritating music in their pregnant state, moving around with my sucked blood.

I took to the city to use the internet and pray in the saudi masjid. How nice it feels like to be back! Looking the streets, you see men and women urinating openly by the sides of cars, walls, etc, dirty streets, and in the mosques, hearing the Mauritanian style of loud Shouting of TAKBIR at the opening of Solah(not Maalilki style to shout too loud). From all of these, I said to myself, welcome back to Mauritania!” 

 So if you can go beyond the dirt, the pissing on the streets, the spitting, the burping arghhh  -I am voluntarily crude- you will find a hidden gem. If you open your heart to people, you will notice the imperceptible things that make them special ; some are always doing dhikr, some do incredible sadakats (charity), some spend their nights in prayer, some just have incredible smiles in weather beaten, sunburnt faces.

Mauritania is a country where foreigners weep twice: First from dismay that they are sent to such a forsaken land and when they leave, because it has become a place they love.

Shaykh Hamza Yusuf encourages the love of poetry so here is just for you, my friends, one the English poems I love the most :

Heaven-Haven 

A nun takes the veil

I have desired to go

Where springs not fail,

To fields where flies no sharp and sided hail

And a few lilies blow.

And I asked to be

Where no storms come,

Where the green swell is in the havens dumb,

And out of the swing of the sea.

Gerald Manley Hopkins

"The way out is in the book of God"

I remember precisely the day I heard these words pronounced by Shaykh Hamza Yusuf… I felt like I had been struck by lightning. In my life I have 3 or 4 of these defining moments, these epiphanies, when just by hearing or reading something I come to an incredible realization, that if implemented will impact my whole life….

At the time, I was going through a whole life change. I left a life of constant movement, of tight schedules for a life where the job was intense but where the evenings just stretched out… The speed of the hamster’s wheel, conjuring my fellow mates and my own existential anguish was no longer, I had just stepped off. I came to a life where in the evening you are alone and there is silence… you are faced with yourself… No one to call you to go out for a drink, dinner or just for some random girl talk.

I remember that one of my brothers told me at my wedding party (by the way, I must say it was the greatest batch of the decade! ;-) that my biggest success in life were my friends, I do have very special, loving endearing friends and a special bond unites me to with each one of them.

One evening, I felt so nostalgic of my buddies that I recall sitting on the top of the garage and repeating their names like I was counting the beads of a rosary ; Huiyi… Roisin…Rime…Alex…Selma…Andrew…Miriam…Lucia… Bonnie…Stephane…Christophe…They were always a family, when no one of the family was around… 11 years… It was a long time to leave behind. ..

Anyways, the whole week I had been feeling low and I was wondering when will this cycle of unhappiness or more accurately of dissatisfaction end? When I was in Paris, I dreamt of sand dunes and when I came home to the sand dunes here I was, dreaming of my former life in Paris! Seriously, was I dysfunctional? When would constant and sustainable happiness be? Don’t get me wrong I was and still am a pretty cheerful person, I love joking and laughing and at that time of my life I had already had deep profound moments of gratitude and happiness but it always seemed like; I was waiting for a cycle to lead to the other in order to allow myself to be happier and I must admit that ends of cycles were always painful because of the uncertainty that followed the departure from something I had grown accustomed to and deeply fond of.

It was while in that mood (a MEGA funk..) that I distractedly turned on one of Hamza Yusuf’s lectures (I think it was "The poor man’s book of assistance") and I heard this incredibly simple yet life changing answer: “THE WAY OUT IS IN THE BOOK OF GOD.”

The shock was so strong it awoke from my daydream and I stood up with the resolve to explore this solution that was offered to me. I did wudu and read a few chapters of the Quran, and decided I would read Kuran everyday for as long as I could (I am not a very disciplined person J )

I read the Quran this way for 2 whole months, during my lunch break, after work, between Duhr prayer and Asr on Fridays). The effects were immediate; I regained my laughter, my joie de vivre and acquired a whole new deep new sense of confidence.

Yes dear friend, you got me right: an increased level of confidence (Wow!). I believe it was the Baraka of reading the Quran for those 2 months that made me come to another important realization:

Life is a play where those who decide aren’t those that seemingly decide… God sole and only decides.

It became super clear to me that I shouldn't expect anything from people, even the ones who want me good), I must pray God for it.

It does seem obvious but it’s very liberating when you’re sitting in a meeting with very important people (some humble but some very full of themselves I must say…) or being interviewed or negotiating a raise ;-) and that you remind yourself: “these people have no power on the outcome, it’s God who decides”.

This realization helps you stay grounded and breaks your ego, There is no risk of you falling into hubris for you know that you are nothing without God’s mercy, you can only count on His Mercy (and your Asbabs) to make things happen. The great thing is that with time you will see that God willing, the things you pray for always happen when the intention you put in them is good!

To all my sisters and brothers who lately have shared with me some of their doubts and worries, befriend your Kuran, make it your daily life buoy. When you are in a funk, read Quran everyday, it will elevate you and purify your heart.

The other thing : don’t take life too seriously, believe in leaving things in the hands of the Lord, it helps you stay detached while putting in your best effort.

If you feel you’re not hanging out with the right bunch, pray God to send you your people

Like you all know, being the new kid on the block is never easy. I suddenly became that kid when 4 and a half years ago I came back to Mauritania after spending 11 years in Paris.

Don’t get me wrong, people here are super friendly, especially the ones in the company I was lucky enough to work with. We laughed all the time and they taught me that it's never the end of the world, even the day the team missed the deadline of a call for tender we'd been working on for a whole week!

They used to say with a big smile : "when it’s not meant to be it’s just meant to be :-)" Coming from a Parisian environment, where missing the metro is viewed as a tragedy, this attitude was sooo refreshing!

But outside the office, I just couldn’t find a circle that was willing to have me and that resembled me..

Looking back, it was a good thing I didn’t find my bunch immediately, I had a lot of time on my own, to reflect, which was exactly what I needed after so many years in the rat’s race.

But after two years in Mauritania, I wanted friends to share thoughts and experiences.That’s when I started hanging out with the American girls, they were sweet and had this great thing about them : permanent good mood. At the question ; How are you? They invariably answered “GREAT!”

WOW… in Paris,no one ever gave me that answer expect Marie a friend who was bi-polar and therefore was afflicted with incredible highs but also incredible lows!

So there I was hanging out with the American chicks, but never feeling quite at ease ; it was considered uncouth to speak about politics, religion and they hardly ever spoke about private matters so after a while it just wasn’t enough for me… I felt no progress, we didn’t get closer and I didn’t learn anything, sometimes it was even so shallow my heart sunk…

So I started hanging out less and less with them and praying Allah Almighty to send me the right people.

So one day, I went with the girls to a neighborhood I had never set a foot in and never would have set foot in, on an expedition to buy fabric. I remember we were joking and laughing, but I was distracted.. You know, one of these moments where outwardly you’re laughing but in reality you’re just not in it? It’s like your body is there but your soul isn’t because it longs to be somewhere else.

I was in that state when I walked out of the store with one of the girls, Sarah, a very beautiful girl.

A guy wearing a jellaba came up to me and said "EssalamuAleykum sister, my name is Ahmed, I come from South-Africa…"

We struck up a conversation and surprisingly during all the conversation; he did not give my friend a glimpse, not a single one… It’s incredible when you know that my friend is a tall, superb Puertorican- American and that men, women and children cannot but look at her!

Now that I know him well, I put this on the account of his natural adab (modesty) but also on the fact that this encounter was predestined, I was the one meant to meet Ahmed and his lovely wife and children.

Little did I know at the time that this encounter was the answer to my prayers… I actually had some prejudice when I met Ahmed, I thought someone who had come to Mauritania to study would have a wife wearing a burka… For me that's the sure sign that at the time, I still had some serious cleansing even scrubbing of the heart to do!

If she had chosen to wear a burka, it was none of my business and was not for me to judge.

When I finally met her, my dear dear Zeinab did not wear a burka and turned out to be the most cultured Muslim woman I had ever met, how humbling! I will also always remember the first time I saw jumping out the taxi, those little gremlins I have come to love soooooo much, Amina and Jaber, they were sooo cute mashallah.  

Not long after we first met, I was with Ahmed, Zeinab and the kiddos (that's how I call them;-) at Sheherazade a play ground and we were discussing our favorite topics, spirituality, islam etc.. when we happened to talk about the command from Allah that the Prophet (SAW) be dearer to the believer that himself.

I remember worrying whether it was case with me and asking Ahmed what could I do to ensure it was, he answered that one the Shaykhs said that saying many Salats ala Nabi (Blessings on the Prophet (SAW), increased his love in one’s heart.

So I came back that day and said 1000 Salats on the prophet (SAW) and decided to started cultivating his love in my heart.

Listening over and over to “His character was the Qur'an” a CD lecture by Shaykh Abdullah Binbayyah helped enormously;  in it Hamza Yusuf who's the translator, is overcome (several times) by emotion when recalling how much the Prophet (SAW) loved all of God's creation.

Cultivating the love of the prophet has softened my heart and has made me discover so many things, I discovered that following the sunna is the surest way to free ourselves from the boundaries, limits and limitations set up by this materialistic world, to know about this you should watch this incredible lecture "Breaking the two desires" of Shaykh Abdel Hakim Murad.

 

Before meeting my friends, as a learned arab, I sensed the 3ijaz of the Qur'an but sometimes failed to grasp the miracle of the character of the Prophet (SAW). Ahmed told me something very interesting in this regards, he said that most non Arab muslims couldn’t realize 3ijaz el Kuran, because they simply did not speak the language but fully grasped the miracle of the character of the Prophet (SAW). Many of these people's ancestors became muslim after hearing the stories about this incredible man and have passed this immense love on to their descendants.

I am glad to say today that I LOVE THE PROPHET more than my life, my entire family and I pray that Allah resurrects me on the Day of Judgment in his company, this is truly my dearest dream.