"The way out is in the book of God"

I remember precisely the day I heard these words pronounced by Shaykh Hamza Yusuf… I felt like I had been struck by lightning. In my life I have 3 or 4 of these defining moments, these epiphanies, when just by hearing or reading something I come to an incredible realization, that if implemented will impact my whole life….

At the time, I was going through a whole life change. I left a life of constant movement, of tight schedules for a life where the job was intense but where the evenings just stretched out… The speed of the hamster’s wheel, conjuring my fellow mates and my own existential anguish was no longer, I had just stepped off. I came to a life where in the evening you are alone and there is silence… you are faced with yourself… No one to call you to go out for a drink, dinner or just for some random girl talk.

I remember that one of my brothers told me at my wedding party (by the way, I must say it was the greatest batch of the decade! ;-) that my biggest success in life were my friends, I do have very special, loving endearing friends and a special bond unites me to with each one of them.

One evening, I felt so nostalgic of my buddies that I recall sitting on the top of the garage and repeating their names like I was counting the beads of a rosary ; Huiyi… Roisin…Rime…Alex…Selma…Andrew…Miriam…Lucia… Bonnie…Stephane…Christophe…They were always a family, when no one of the family was around… 11 years… It was a long time to leave behind. ..

Anyways, the whole week I had been feeling low and I was wondering when will this cycle of unhappiness or more accurately of dissatisfaction end? When I was in Paris, I dreamt of sand dunes and when I came home to the sand dunes here I was, dreaming of my former life in Paris! Seriously, was I dysfunctional? When would constant and sustainable happiness be? Don’t get me wrong I was and still am a pretty cheerful person, I love joking and laughing and at that time of my life I had already had deep profound moments of gratitude and happiness but it always seemed like; I was waiting for a cycle to lead to the other in order to allow myself to be happier and I must admit that ends of cycles were always painful because of the uncertainty that followed the departure from something I had grown accustomed to and deeply fond of.

It was while in that mood (a MEGA funk..) that I distractedly turned on one of Hamza Yusuf’s lectures (I think it was "The poor man’s book of assistance") and I heard this incredibly simple yet life changing answer: “THE WAY OUT IS IN THE BOOK OF GOD.”

The shock was so strong it awoke from my daydream and I stood up with the resolve to explore this solution that was offered to me. I did wudu and read a few chapters of the Quran, and decided I would read Kuran everyday for as long as I could (I am not a very disciplined person J )

I read the Quran this way for 2 whole months, during my lunch break, after work, between Duhr prayer and Asr on Fridays). The effects were immediate; I regained my laughter, my joie de vivre and acquired a whole new deep new sense of confidence.

Yes dear friend, you got me right: an increased level of confidence (Wow!). I believe it was the Baraka of reading the Quran for those 2 months that made me come to another important realization:

Life is a play where those who decide aren’t those that seemingly decide… God sole and only decides.

It became super clear to me that I shouldn't expect anything from people, even the ones who want me good), I must pray God for it.

It does seem obvious but it’s very liberating when you’re sitting in a meeting with very important people (some humble but some very full of themselves I must say…) or being interviewed or negotiating a raise ;-) and that you remind yourself: “these people have no power on the outcome, it’s God who decides”.

This realization helps you stay grounded and breaks your ego, There is no risk of you falling into hubris for you know that you are nothing without God’s mercy, you can only count on His Mercy (and your Asbabs) to make things happen. The great thing is that with time you will see that God willing, the things you pray for always happen when the intention you put in them is good!

To all my sisters and brothers who lately have shared with me some of their doubts and worries, befriend your Kuran, make it your daily life buoy. When you are in a funk, read Quran everyday, it will elevate you and purify your heart.

The other thing : don’t take life too seriously, believe in leaving things in the hands of the Lord, it helps you stay detached while putting in your best effort.