“Ask your heart, righteousness is what the heart feels tranquil with {…} “ Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him

I have never been as concerned about the state of my heart as since I’ve been listening to Shaykh Hamza Yusuf’s lectures.

Sometimes I joke about it, saying that now I try to go through life with a stethoscope on my chest to follow all the moves of my heart ;-) Indeed, Hamza Yusuf has highlighted the importance of putting oneself to work on one’s heart before comes the Day:

“In which neither wealth nor children shall be of any benefit [to anyone], except one who comes to God with a sound heart “(Quran, 26:88-89)

But before that day comes, purification of the heart is really the way to make the world a better place, for every act of cruelty, hate, racism, violence, pollution, stems from a disease in the heart and will disappear when it is cured. The disease can be either envy, cruelty, arrogance, rancor, ostentation, fear of poverty ...

The million dollar question is therefore, how to cure these diseases?

Fortunately, there exists a self-purification book (poem) known as Matharat al-Qulub (literally, Purification of the Hearts), which offers a means by which purification can be achieved. It is a treatise on the alchemy of the hearts, a manual on how to transform the heart. It was written by a great scholar, Shaykh Muhammad Mawlud al-Yaqubi al-Musawi al-Mauritani (Yuppie! He’s a compatriot of mine) and commented on by Hamza Yusuf.

By the way guys, if you ever have the chance of having this book in your hands, you must absolutely read the dedication written by Shaykh Hamza Yusuf. He says something like: “I dedicate this book to my wife, who has a heart so pure she doesn’t need it”. WOW!

Mashallah, what a beautiful thing to say about one’s spouse… it really makes you want to meet the woman! And it also taught me to try look at my own “better half ;-) with as much indulgence as Shaykh Hamza views his wife! Lol, Thank God my hubby is still learning English and can’t read my blog!

The book helped me identify some of my own diseases (of the heart) I wasn’t even aware of! Honestly, when I read the book I felt discouraged (I had a heart ache throughout it) but now that I know a tiny winy bit more than I used to at the time, I am super happy because now I know that :

-          Diseases can be cured (I have experienced it!)

-          Aching when you read about a disease is actually a good sign, it means that contrary to some hearts, your heart is still alive. For instance, if you read about miserliness and that your heart aches it certainly means you’re stingy ;-) but the good news is that your disease can be treated and eventually cured!

Once you’ve identified most of your diseases of the heart  this is how I have nearly cured some of mine:

1. Treat the heart with the things you KNOW deep down inside of you, are good for you.

For me, two simples changes were : reading Quran regularly and quitting listening to that depressing band that invariably made me want to throw myself from the top of a cliff! (pessimism is a disease of the heart).

2.Purify your life with Takwa, get away from those acts and people that drag you down.

As derived from the teachings of the Prophet (SAW), an act can take the appearance of good, or be banalized by society but if, even a tiny voice in your heart expresses unease because of it, quit it.  Don't shun that voice and silence it like Dorian Gray did, until you're so deep down into corruption, that you can no longer be guided by your heart.

In that regards, something happened to me that was pretty eloquent…

Living in the west, I have never had a problem with people who drink, if you don’t believe me just ask my friends down at the pub ;-)

Jokes aside, my reasoning was the following : I shouldn't have an issue about entering in non-alcohol free places (in the West) because I know who I am, a practicing muslim who would order a coke with her my meal.

After embarking on the purification of the heart journey, I no longer could enter places selling alcohol; the mere idea of entering a restaurant/café selling alcohol made me physically sick (I wanted to throw up).

In French the expression for having nausea “avoir mal au coeur” means literally “to have a heart ache”! It's clearly what happened to me : my heart ached so badly I was sick.

No matter what people told me, no matter how my brain tried to dismiss it with rational arguments, I decided to follow my heart.

3. Salawats on the prophet Muhammad (SAW)

I have not doubt  this is the practice that has helped me the most.

“Prayers on me are light in the heart, light in the grave and light on the Sirat " (sirat is the bridge every soul will have to cross to enter the heavens) 

While I am saying Salawats on the prophet SAW I always try to remember how much he loved us; the women, the children, the poor and all of God’s creation.  Until his last breath, he prayed that God have mercy on his Ummah. He died saying : Ummati… Ummati… Ummati… (my followers).

When I think of how he much he loved us, I can’t but strive harder to follow his way.

I noticed that as my love for the greatest of creation increased, I started to change, my heart softened, I couldn’t curse as much as I used to, even jokingly.  I have also never been a cry baby; each time I used to cry it was mostly out of anger and frustration! Gosh,I’ve changed so much; the hard headed woman has slowly given place to a meek person who weeps at spiritual stories... Lol

If some cleansing of the heart hasn’t taken place there, God only knows what happened!

Even my better half ;-) has noticed the changes in me, I have become nicer with him, actually when I laze about doing Dhikr after Maghrib, he urges me to do it even though he seldom does! lol

As a friend says, lectures are great, they serve as a reminder but “it is in Dhikr that our real growth lies”. I cannot but totally agree J

4. Remembering death

Reading about death, helps you have more detachment towards material things and accept that this life is imperfect and that the true success lies in being a good person. For it is that sound heart of yours, that will get (with God’s Mercy) you through the gates of Heaven and not your career as CEO of some big corporation.

5. Hang out with good people who try to better themselves and not the people who have given up the fight

Shaykh Hamza says that a sick heart needs good company in order to "inhale the fragrances of sincerity".

Finally,

 

By trying to cure your own diseases of the heart, you’re embodying the change you want to see in the world! You might not think that you're doing anything grand, because you’re not a world renown peace activist and you’re far from having Mother Teresa’s dedication but you never know…

One day after working hard on your heart you might wake up to find that you have become a clone of Mother Theresa without your knowledge!

Or, you might never become the next  Mother Teresa, but you will certainly bring up your children to be non racist, open-minded loving, compassionate people (sound hearts!) who will greatly contribute to making the world a better and safer place to be! And that my friend, will undoubtedly be a major achievement.

Please pray for me so I can have both blessings!

Mauritania: beyond the dirt and the takhaluf Heaven- Haven

When I was young, I dreamed of being a student of mahdara and my dear friend Roisin admitted to me that she had once dreams of becoming a nun.

These fantasies, these dreams are very common in young people around the world and leave as they grow older (even though seldom entirely). I think it’s because the younger we are, the closer we are to the original state of Fitra so we tend to long for something pure and perfect and what can be purer than wayfaring to God?

In my opinion, Mauritania is a good place to embark on such a journey.

“Withdraw the heart into the arena of reflection

Nothing helps the heart more than that!”

From Hikam Ibn Ata Illah

A french brother, some of you might know, called Ian Mansour, told me that when he was seventeen he decided to leave Britany for good for he had come to the conclusion that Europe because of rampant materialism was no longer a  favorable  context  for soul-searching, introspection. His exact words were that it no longer allowed “retour sur soi” which literally means “to return on oneself”.

But why is introspection, soul-searching, “retour sur soi” or whatever one calls it so necessary?

Introspection is the prerequisite for any conscious decision, spiritual improvement and great achievement.

Hamza Yusuf had to live in the Tagant desert to become Shaykh Hamza Yusuf.

                                                                                Hamza, the student of knowledge in Tagant, Mauritania (Peter Sanders)



And most of you know better than me the story of the withdrawal of the great Ghazali from the world.  El Ghazali recommended that seekers of knowledge travel to a place where they know no one.

Is it the proximity of the desert? Is it the feet of so many God-fearing, God-loving Ulama and Awliyas that tread upon its ground that makes Mauritania a blessed place for introspection and reflection?

Or is it the frugality one finds in Mauritanian villages, the heat, the mosquitoes for they are a school in themselves...They teach Sabr (patience) and we well know the special place that's reserved for the patient.

But give good tidings to the patient who, when disaster strikes them, say, “Indeed we belong to Allaah, and indeed to Him we will return.” [Quran 2:155-156]

To give you an idea of the place (at least its capital city), here is a description i found on a blog, it’s pretty eloquent:

“It was almost mid-night but it looked like morning to me. I was feeling like being home again […] I prayed and had a good sleep with wonderful, sweet mosquito bites. In the morning, I looked at the mosquitoes in my net, singing their irritating music in their pregnant state, moving around with my sucked blood.

I took to the city to use the internet and pray in the saudi masjid. How nice it feels like to be back! Looking the streets, you see men and women urinating openly by the sides of cars, walls, etc, dirty streets, and in the mosques, hearing the Mauritanian style of loud Shouting of TAKBIR at the opening of Solah(not Maalilki style to shout too loud). From all of these, I said to myself, welcome back to Mauritania!” 

 So if you can go beyond the dirt, the pissing on the streets, the spitting, the burping arghhh  -I am voluntarily crude- you will find a hidden gem. If you open your heart to people, you will notice the imperceptible things that make them special ; some are always doing dhikr, some do incredible sadakats (charity), some spend their nights in prayer, some just have incredible smiles in weather beaten, sunburnt faces.

Mauritania is a country where foreigners weep twice: First from dismay that they are sent to such a forsaken land and when they leave, because it has become a place they love.

Shaykh Hamza Yusuf encourages the love of poetry so here is just for you, my friends, one the English poems I love the most :

Heaven-Haven 

A nun takes the veil

I have desired to go

Where springs not fail,

To fields where flies no sharp and sided hail

And a few lilies blow.

And I asked to be

Where no storms come,

Where the green swell is in the havens dumb,

And out of the swing of the sea.

Gerald Manley Hopkins

"The way out is in the book of God"

I remember precisely the day I heard these words pronounced by Shaykh Hamza Yusuf… I felt like I had been struck by lightning. In my life I have 3 or 4 of these defining moments, these epiphanies, when just by hearing or reading something I come to an incredible realization, that if implemented will impact my whole life….

At the time, I was going through a whole life change. I left a life of constant movement, of tight schedules for a life where the job was intense but where the evenings just stretched out… The speed of the hamster’s wheel, conjuring my fellow mates and my own existential anguish was no longer, I had just stepped off. I came to a life where in the evening you are alone and there is silence… you are faced with yourself… No one to call you to go out for a drink, dinner or just for some random girl talk.

I remember that one of my brothers told me at my wedding party (by the way, I must say it was the greatest batch of the decade! ;-) that my biggest success in life were my friends, I do have very special, loving endearing friends and a special bond unites me to with each one of them.

One evening, I felt so nostalgic of my buddies that I recall sitting on the top of the garage and repeating their names like I was counting the beads of a rosary ; Huiyi… Roisin…Rime…Alex…Selma…Andrew…Miriam…Lucia… Bonnie…Stephane…Christophe…They were always a family, when no one of the family was around… 11 years… It was a long time to leave behind. ..

Anyways, the whole week I had been feeling low and I was wondering when will this cycle of unhappiness or more accurately of dissatisfaction end? When I was in Paris, I dreamt of sand dunes and when I came home to the sand dunes here I was, dreaming of my former life in Paris! Seriously, was I dysfunctional? When would constant and sustainable happiness be? Don’t get me wrong I was and still am a pretty cheerful person, I love joking and laughing and at that time of my life I had already had deep profound moments of gratitude and happiness but it always seemed like; I was waiting for a cycle to lead to the other in order to allow myself to be happier and I must admit that ends of cycles were always painful because of the uncertainty that followed the departure from something I had grown accustomed to and deeply fond of.

It was while in that mood (a MEGA funk..) that I distractedly turned on one of Hamza Yusuf’s lectures (I think it was "The poor man’s book of assistance") and I heard this incredibly simple yet life changing answer: “THE WAY OUT IS IN THE BOOK OF GOD.”

The shock was so strong it awoke from my daydream and I stood up with the resolve to explore this solution that was offered to me. I did wudu and read a few chapters of the Quran, and decided I would read Kuran everyday for as long as I could (I am not a very disciplined person J )

I read the Quran this way for 2 whole months, during my lunch break, after work, between Duhr prayer and Asr on Fridays). The effects were immediate; I regained my laughter, my joie de vivre and acquired a whole new deep new sense of confidence.

Yes dear friend, you got me right: an increased level of confidence (Wow!). I believe it was the Baraka of reading the Quran for those 2 months that made me come to another important realization:

Life is a play where those who decide aren’t those that seemingly decide… God sole and only decides.

It became super clear to me that I shouldn't expect anything from people, even the ones who want me good), I must pray God for it.

It does seem obvious but it’s very liberating when you’re sitting in a meeting with very important people (some humble but some very full of themselves I must say…) or being interviewed or negotiating a raise ;-) and that you remind yourself: “these people have no power on the outcome, it’s God who decides”.

This realization helps you stay grounded and breaks your ego, There is no risk of you falling into hubris for you know that you are nothing without God’s mercy, you can only count on His Mercy (and your Asbabs) to make things happen. The great thing is that with time you will see that God willing, the things you pray for always happen when the intention you put in them is good!

To all my sisters and brothers who lately have shared with me some of their doubts and worries, befriend your Kuran, make it your daily life buoy. When you are in a funk, read Quran everyday, it will elevate you and purify your heart.

The other thing : don’t take life too seriously, believe in leaving things in the hands of the Lord, it helps you stay detached while putting in your best effort.