“Ask your heart, righteousness is what the heart feels tranquil with {…} “ Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him

I have never been as concerned about the state of my heart as since I’ve been listening to Shaykh Hamza Yusuf’s lectures.

Sometimes I joke about it, saying that now I try to go through life with a stethoscope on my chest to follow all the moves of my heart ;-) Indeed, Hamza Yusuf has highlighted the importance of putting oneself to work on one’s heart before comes the Day:

“In which neither wealth nor children shall be of any benefit [to anyone], except one who comes to God with a sound heart “(Quran, 26:88-89)

But before that day comes, purification of the heart is really the way to make the world a better place, for every act of cruelty, hate, racism, violence, pollution, stems from a disease in the heart and will disappear when it is cured. The disease can be either envy, cruelty, arrogance, rancor, ostentation, fear of poverty ...

The million dollar question is therefore, how to cure these diseases?

Fortunately, there exists a self-purification book (poem) known as Matharat al-Qulub (literally, Purification of the Hearts), which offers a means by which purification can be achieved. It is a treatise on the alchemy of the hearts, a manual on how to transform the heart. It was written by a great scholar, Shaykh Muhammad Mawlud al-Yaqubi al-Musawi al-Mauritani (Yuppie! He’s a compatriot of mine) and commented on by Hamza Yusuf.

By the way guys, if you ever have the chance of having this book in your hands, you must absolutely read the dedication written by Shaykh Hamza Yusuf. He says something like: “I dedicate this book to my wife, who has a heart so pure she doesn’t need it”. WOW!

Mashallah, what a beautiful thing to say about one’s spouse… it really makes you want to meet the woman! And it also taught me to try look at my own “better half ;-) with as much indulgence as Shaykh Hamza views his wife! Lol, Thank God my hubby is still learning English and can’t read my blog!

The book helped me identify some of my own diseases (of the heart) I wasn’t even aware of! Honestly, when I read the book I felt discouraged (I had a heart ache throughout it) but now that I know a tiny winy bit more than I used to at the time, I am super happy because now I know that :

-          Diseases can be cured (I have experienced it!)

-          Aching when you read about a disease is actually a good sign, it means that contrary to some hearts, your heart is still alive. For instance, if you read about miserliness and that your heart aches it certainly means you’re stingy ;-) but the good news is that your disease can be treated and eventually cured!

Once you’ve identified most of your diseases of the heart  this is how I have nearly cured some of mine:

1. Treat the heart with the things you KNOW deep down inside of you, are good for you.

For me, two simples changes were : reading Quran regularly and quitting listening to that depressing band that invariably made me want to throw myself from the top of a cliff! (pessimism is a disease of the heart).

2.Purify your life with Takwa, get away from those acts and people that drag you down.

As derived from the teachings of the Prophet (SAW), an act can take the appearance of good, or be banalized by society but if, even a tiny voice in your heart expresses unease because of it, quit it.  Don't shun that voice and silence it like Dorian Gray did, until you're so deep down into corruption, that you can no longer be guided by your heart.

In that regards, something happened to me that was pretty eloquent…

Living in the west, I have never had a problem with people who drink, if you don’t believe me just ask my friends down at the pub ;-)

Jokes aside, my reasoning was the following : I shouldn't have an issue about entering in non-alcohol free places (in the West) because I know who I am, a practicing muslim who would order a coke with her my meal.

After embarking on the purification of the heart journey, I no longer could enter places selling alcohol; the mere idea of entering a restaurant/café selling alcohol made me physically sick (I wanted to throw up).

In French the expression for having nausea “avoir mal au coeur” means literally “to have a heart ache”! It's clearly what happened to me : my heart ached so badly I was sick.

No matter what people told me, no matter how my brain tried to dismiss it with rational arguments, I decided to follow my heart.

3. Salawats on the prophet Muhammad (SAW)

I have not doubt  this is the practice that has helped me the most.

“Prayers on me are light in the heart, light in the grave and light on the Sirat " (sirat is the bridge every soul will have to cross to enter the heavens) 

While I am saying Salawats on the prophet SAW I always try to remember how much he loved us; the women, the children, the poor and all of God’s creation.  Until his last breath, he prayed that God have mercy on his Ummah. He died saying : Ummati… Ummati… Ummati… (my followers).

When I think of how he much he loved us, I can’t but strive harder to follow his way.

I noticed that as my love for the greatest of creation increased, I started to change, my heart softened, I couldn’t curse as much as I used to, even jokingly.  I have also never been a cry baby; each time I used to cry it was mostly out of anger and frustration! Gosh,I’ve changed so much; the hard headed woman has slowly given place to a meek person who weeps at spiritual stories... Lol

If some cleansing of the heart hasn’t taken place there, God only knows what happened!

Even my better half ;-) has noticed the changes in me, I have become nicer with him, actually when I laze about doing Dhikr after Maghrib, he urges me to do it even though he seldom does! lol

As a friend says, lectures are great, they serve as a reminder but “it is in Dhikr that our real growth lies”. I cannot but totally agree J

4. Remembering death

Reading about death, helps you have more detachment towards material things and accept that this life is imperfect and that the true success lies in being a good person. For it is that sound heart of yours, that will get (with God’s Mercy) you through the gates of Heaven and not your career as CEO of some big corporation.

5. Hang out with good people who try to better themselves and not the people who have given up the fight

Shaykh Hamza says that a sick heart needs good company in order to "inhale the fragrances of sincerity".

Finally,

 

By trying to cure your own diseases of the heart, you’re embodying the change you want to see in the world! You might not think that you're doing anything grand, because you’re not a world renown peace activist and you’re far from having Mother Teresa’s dedication but you never know…

One day after working hard on your heart you might wake up to find that you have become a clone of Mother Theresa without your knowledge!

Or, you might never become the next  Mother Teresa, but you will certainly bring up your children to be non racist, open-minded loving, compassionate people (sound hearts!) who will greatly contribute to making the world a better and safer place to be! And that my friend, will undoubtedly be a major achievement.

Please pray for me so I can have both blessings!

"The way out is in the book of God"

I remember precisely the day I heard these words pronounced by Shaykh Hamza Yusuf… I felt like I had been struck by lightning. In my life I have 3 or 4 of these defining moments, these epiphanies, when just by hearing or reading something I come to an incredible realization, that if implemented will impact my whole life….

At the time, I was going through a whole life change. I left a life of constant movement, of tight schedules for a life where the job was intense but where the evenings just stretched out… The speed of the hamster’s wheel, conjuring my fellow mates and my own existential anguish was no longer, I had just stepped off. I came to a life where in the evening you are alone and there is silence… you are faced with yourself… No one to call you to go out for a drink, dinner or just for some random girl talk.

I remember that one of my brothers told me at my wedding party (by the way, I must say it was the greatest batch of the decade! ;-) that my biggest success in life were my friends, I do have very special, loving endearing friends and a special bond unites me to with each one of them.

One evening, I felt so nostalgic of my buddies that I recall sitting on the top of the garage and repeating their names like I was counting the beads of a rosary ; Huiyi… Roisin…Rime…Alex…Selma…Andrew…Miriam…Lucia… Bonnie…Stephane…Christophe…They were always a family, when no one of the family was around… 11 years… It was a long time to leave behind. ..

Anyways, the whole week I had been feeling low and I was wondering when will this cycle of unhappiness or more accurately of dissatisfaction end? When I was in Paris, I dreamt of sand dunes and when I came home to the sand dunes here I was, dreaming of my former life in Paris! Seriously, was I dysfunctional? When would constant and sustainable happiness be? Don’t get me wrong I was and still am a pretty cheerful person, I love joking and laughing and at that time of my life I had already had deep profound moments of gratitude and happiness but it always seemed like; I was waiting for a cycle to lead to the other in order to allow myself to be happier and I must admit that ends of cycles were always painful because of the uncertainty that followed the departure from something I had grown accustomed to and deeply fond of.

It was while in that mood (a MEGA funk..) that I distractedly turned on one of Hamza Yusuf’s lectures (I think it was "The poor man’s book of assistance") and I heard this incredibly simple yet life changing answer: “THE WAY OUT IS IN THE BOOK OF GOD.”

The shock was so strong it awoke from my daydream and I stood up with the resolve to explore this solution that was offered to me. I did wudu and read a few chapters of the Quran, and decided I would read Kuran everyday for as long as I could (I am not a very disciplined person J )

I read the Quran this way for 2 whole months, during my lunch break, after work, between Duhr prayer and Asr on Fridays). The effects were immediate; I regained my laughter, my joie de vivre and acquired a whole new deep new sense of confidence.

Yes dear friend, you got me right: an increased level of confidence (Wow!). I believe it was the Baraka of reading the Quran for those 2 months that made me come to another important realization:

Life is a play where those who decide aren’t those that seemingly decide… God sole and only decides.

It became super clear to me that I shouldn't expect anything from people, even the ones who want me good), I must pray God for it.

It does seem obvious but it’s very liberating when you’re sitting in a meeting with very important people (some humble but some very full of themselves I must say…) or being interviewed or negotiating a raise ;-) and that you remind yourself: “these people have no power on the outcome, it’s God who decides”.

This realization helps you stay grounded and breaks your ego, There is no risk of you falling into hubris for you know that you are nothing without God’s mercy, you can only count on His Mercy (and your Asbabs) to make things happen. The great thing is that with time you will see that God willing, the things you pray for always happen when the intention you put in them is good!

To all my sisters and brothers who lately have shared with me some of their doubts and worries, befriend your Kuran, make it your daily life buoy. When you are in a funk, read Quran everyday, it will elevate you and purify your heart.

The other thing : don’t take life too seriously, believe in leaving things in the hands of the Lord, it helps you stay detached while putting in your best effort.

If you feel you’re not hanging out with the right bunch, pray God to send you your people

Like you all know, being the new kid on the block is never easy. I suddenly became that kid when 4 and a half years ago I came back to Mauritania after spending 11 years in Paris.

Don’t get me wrong, people here are super friendly, especially the ones in the company I was lucky enough to work with. We laughed all the time and they taught me that it's never the end of the world, even the day the team missed the deadline of a call for tender we'd been working on for a whole week!

They used to say with a big smile : "when it’s not meant to be it’s just meant to be :-)" Coming from a Parisian environment, where missing the metro is viewed as a tragedy, this attitude was sooo refreshing!

But outside the office, I just couldn’t find a circle that was willing to have me and that resembled me..

Looking back, it was a good thing I didn’t find my bunch immediately, I had a lot of time on my own, to reflect, which was exactly what I needed after so many years in the rat’s race.

But after two years in Mauritania, I wanted friends to share thoughts and experiences.That’s when I started hanging out with the American girls, they were sweet and had this great thing about them : permanent good mood. At the question ; How are you? They invariably answered “GREAT!”

WOW… in Paris,no one ever gave me that answer expect Marie a friend who was bi-polar and therefore was afflicted with incredible highs but also incredible lows!

So there I was hanging out with the American chicks, but never feeling quite at ease ; it was considered uncouth to speak about politics, religion and they hardly ever spoke about private matters so after a while it just wasn’t enough for me… I felt no progress, we didn’t get closer and I didn’t learn anything, sometimes it was even so shallow my heart sunk…

So I started hanging out less and less with them and praying Allah Almighty to send me the right people.

So one day, I went with the girls to a neighborhood I had never set a foot in and never would have set foot in, on an expedition to buy fabric. I remember we were joking and laughing, but I was distracted.. You know, one of these moments where outwardly you’re laughing but in reality you’re just not in it? It’s like your body is there but your soul isn’t because it longs to be somewhere else.

I was in that state when I walked out of the store with one of the girls, Sarah, a very beautiful girl.

A guy wearing a jellaba came up to me and said "EssalamuAleykum sister, my name is Ahmed, I come from South-Africa…"

We struck up a conversation and surprisingly during all the conversation; he did not give my friend a glimpse, not a single one… It’s incredible when you know that my friend is a tall, superb Puertorican- American and that men, women and children cannot but look at her!

Now that I know him well, I put this on the account of his natural adab (modesty) but also on the fact that this encounter was predestined, I was the one meant to meet Ahmed and his lovely wife and children.

Little did I know at the time that this encounter was the answer to my prayers… I actually had some prejudice when I met Ahmed, I thought someone who had come to Mauritania to study would have a wife wearing a burka… For me that's the sure sign that at the time, I still had some serious cleansing even scrubbing of the heart to do!

If she had chosen to wear a burka, it was none of my business and was not for me to judge.

When I finally met her, my dear dear Zeinab did not wear a burka and turned out to be the most cultured Muslim woman I had ever met, how humbling! I will also always remember the first time I saw jumping out the taxi, those little gremlins I have come to love soooooo much, Amina and Jaber, they were sooo cute mashallah.  

Not long after we first met, I was with Ahmed, Zeinab and the kiddos (that's how I call them;-) at Sheherazade a play ground and we were discussing our favorite topics, spirituality, islam etc.. when we happened to talk about the command from Allah that the Prophet (SAW) be dearer to the believer that himself.

I remember worrying whether it was case with me and asking Ahmed what could I do to ensure it was, he answered that one the Shaykhs said that saying many Salats ala Nabi (Blessings on the Prophet (SAW), increased his love in one’s heart.

So I came back that day and said 1000 Salats on the prophet (SAW) and decided to started cultivating his love in my heart.

Listening over and over to “His character was the Qur'an” a CD lecture by Shaykh Abdullah Binbayyah helped enormously;  in it Hamza Yusuf who's the translator, is overcome (several times) by emotion when recalling how much the Prophet (SAW) loved all of God's creation.

Cultivating the love of the prophet has softened my heart and has made me discover so many things, I discovered that following the sunna is the surest way to free ourselves from the boundaries, limits and limitations set up by this materialistic world, to know about this you should watch this incredible lecture "Breaking the two desires" of Shaykh Abdel Hakim Murad.

 

Before meeting my friends, as a learned arab, I sensed the 3ijaz of the Qur'an but sometimes failed to grasp the miracle of the character of the Prophet (SAW). Ahmed told me something very interesting in this regards, he said that most non Arab muslims couldn’t realize 3ijaz el Kuran, because they simply did not speak the language but fully grasped the miracle of the character of the Prophet (SAW). Many of these people's ancestors became muslim after hearing the stories about this incredible man and have passed this immense love on to their descendants.

I am glad to say today that I LOVE THE PROPHET more than my life, my entire family and I pray that Allah resurrects me on the Day of Judgment in his company, this is truly my dearest dream.