Craving security

Have you ever had moments in your life where you felt agitated, insecure, worried about something whether the state of your finances, your career, your health or something even bigger like your community, your country, the world?

I’m so sorry for those who thought I was super woman in disguise: I’ve definitely felt that way J

The message in a bottle in my last post –never completed- what actually a cry expressing a deep feeling of insecurity.  It manifested itself by a sudden urge to be active; to get involved into a peace related activity and the upsetting feeling that there were forces working hard to disrupt the peace.  

I did not realize at the moment that I was misguided although I was surprised by the strength of the feeling: why was I suddenly so upset about the state of our world, after all it’s God’s will, where was my Ridha (serene acceptance of Allah’s will)? Deep inside, I knew something must be wrong. ..

I found out what it was after listening to Shaykh Hamza Yusuf talking about the tricks of shaytan and the Nafs (the Self/the ego) in his lecture "Poor Man's book of assistance". Four days later, I had to admit to myself that I had been misled by the voice of the Nafs or Shaytan and because I’m a peaceful person, my insecurity was magnified through peaceful involvement.

Please don’t get me wrong; activism is great but it shouldn’t be a symptom of one’s insecurity. I remember a few years ago, a French psychologist saying that parents who push their kids and have them go to tons of private classes were just expressing their insecurity about their own jobs and they should be careful that their anxiety doesn’t transmit to their children. It’s a clear example of how something in appearance so banal and even positive; parents pushing their kids to do well in school, can actually be the outward expression of a deep anxiety.

Someone might wonder how an old trouper on the road of self-improvement like myself ;-) didn’t see that my unease about certain social issues was being manipulated; the answer is that I was taken by surprise. ..Shaykh Hamza Yusuf says that Shaytan is creative; when he can’t get at you through something, he tries something else. I guess that now that he has trouble (Alhamdulillah!) getting to me through the classical triggers of worry in the modern psyche like “Career “or “Money”, he has turned to something else ; the love I have for this place, its people and more generally for the Ummah.

May God protect me and the believers from Shaytan for there are yet many more gates to anxiety that make us vulnerable, like dwelling on past choices: why did I ever apply to study Law  instead of English literature, I must have been on crack that day?%!!!!????

Having now admitted that I’m not immune to waswas ;-) what exactly is this security we crave for so much and how can one achieve it?

Let us begin by speaking about the contrary of Ridha which is to be in a state of worry/anxiety. Some might say it's not a big deal, after all, we all worry sometimes and feel insecure. Well guys, it’s not banal, worry has to be subdued for in some pathologic cases, it manifests in the most atrocious of manners: an unemployed, mother taking her life and the life of her children after having been abandoned by her partner,youth vandalizing public buildings and streets during demonstrations...It all stems from a feeling of worry that turned into despair...

It’s great how some old North American series can teach kids some good believers’ wisdom. Who remembers Anne of Green Gables? There is an episode where freckled red headed Anne is horrified because she tries dyeing her hair black but instead it becomes green…. Hahahaha

When Anne cries emphatically: “I’m in the depth of despair”, her foster mother tells her: “Child, to despair is to turn your back on the Lord!”  ...  Profound isn’t it?

It’s exactly in line with what a devout believer should do : refuse to despair, put his faith in Allah and believe it will all be for the best for Allah Almighty the Exalted said : “Ana 3nda Thani 3bdi bi. “ "I am as my servant thinks of Me".
I once watched a TV program where a preacher explained this concept in a very simple way:

Two men are speaking about the meeting they will have the next day with a King.

One is worried and expresses doubts about the King's welcome and the response he will give to his plea.

The other one is confident, trusts the magnanimity of the ruler and is certain his request will be answered favorably.  

What the two men do not know, is that the King had been listening to all their conversation…

The preacher concluded the story by asking : who do you think is more likely to have a positive answer?

In this world, Allah Subhanahu Wata3la is omniscient and He is the most compassionate, we should submit to him for His rule is the best of rules and we should come to Him with a heart full of confidence. My cousin told me the other day a Hadith Qudsi that moved me deeply:

“My slave, you want and I want. But nothing will occur except what I want. So if you obey Me in what I want, I will give you what you want. But if you disobey Me in what I want, I will tire you seeking what you want. Then nothing will occur except what I want.”

It’s incredible that thanks to Allah Subhanhu Wata3la’s Infinite Mercy for his creation, there actually is a moment where what the Lord of the Universe wants, and what his poor slave wants, meet : “If you obey Me in what I want, I will give you what you want…” Subhanallah...

There is another a Hadith from the Prophet Muhammad (Pbu) that helped me finally get out of  my “I’m afraid of fitna" mood ;-):

“My Ummah is one to which mercy is shown. It will have no punishment in the next world but its punishment in this world will be trials, earthquakes and being killed”.

Honestly if I had to choose, I’d gladly suffer in this life than be deprived from seeing my Lord in the next life ;-) O Allah, do not deprive us from your Sight & resurrect us in the company of your Beloved Prophet Muhammad (Saw).

For a Muslim, security is not something related to one's actual circumstances, it’s something related to a deep sense in one's heart. I heard a woman saying that she had become Muslim after having spent some time with the people living in old graveyards in Cairo for they were always smiling, serene and caring albeit their poverty. In Mauritania, you see the same thing, a donkey cart driver will flash you an incredible smile (before Marlboro unfortunately took over the country and ruined people’s teethL) and when asked “how are you?” will answer: “Alhamdulillah, Na3em 3laya Mulana!” ("Alhamdulullah, Allah has given me his blessings!")

These people say Alhamdulillah, smile and sleep well at night because kana3a is not a vain word; you can see it in yourself. There have been moments in your life where you’ve felt secure even though you didn’t have any money in the bank and that you were in between jobs because your trust in Allah was strong and other times where your savings' account was full to the brim but you were still worried you wouldn’t have enough money to make that extension to your already huge villa and pay your kids’ private tutors!!!!

In one case you’re broke, unemployed but happy and in the other you seemingly have it all but you’re unsettled and fidgety… It's obvious that the feeling of security doesn't come from how much bucks or dow you have (ask Britney Spears  for that matter;-)

Last but not least, I recommend that you watch the following mesmerizing and soothing lecture of Shaykh Abdal Hakim Murad that not only helped me understand the primordiality and the importance of  Ridha for a sound 3aqida but showed me that albeit the sorrows of the ummah there are truly reasons to rejoice.

Guys, I would like to thank you for being such good followers of my blog, I'm always so surprised at the stats, Jazakumullah.